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A Search for a Pastor during Bible Times
Dear Member, We do not have a happy report, as we have not been able to find a suitable candidate for pastor of our church thus far. We do, however, have one promising prospect. The following is our confidential report on the candidates: 
Adam: Good man, but has problems with his wife. 
Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects. 
Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart. Interprets dreams. Has a prison record. 
Moses: Modest and meek, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings. 
Deborah: One word—female. 
David: The most promising candidate of all, until we discovered the affair he had with a neighbor’s wife. 
Solomon: Great preacher, but serious woman problems. 
Elijah: Prone to depression; collapses under pressure. 
Jonah: Told us he was swallowed by a huge fish. He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. 
Amos: Backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a problem with wealthy people. 
John: Says he’s a Baptist, but doesn’t dress like one. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. 
Paul: Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher. But he’s short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night. 
Timothy: Too young. 
Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday with great hopes that he will accept our offer!

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